"Familiarity kills miracles, but intimacy births promises"
pg 159 - The Honor Key - Russel Evans

It was a breakthrough conference. To think it would have been a PlanetShaker conference that i have dismissed and was quite cynical about previously.

The Card that i was asking for,
The Altar Call,
The Stirrings,
The Word,
The Tears,
The Songs,
The Prayers.

Its been my 2nd month married and I have already been overwhelmed by emotions twice to cry while singing songs and worshiping God. Marriage may have soften my heart and open my senses to God.

I am taking a step of obedience and will be giving up most things to serve and love the people Jesus Loves as much as i could.

I may look foolish however, When you are passionate for something, you won't keep quiet about it.

"When you take what you have in your hands and place it in God's hands, the focus is no longer on that you have in your hands - it's about Him having you in His Hands. When you don't honor with what you have, when you're cynical, remember what you have: nothing.

Honor puts you, and what you have, in the hands of Jesus. Cynicism leaves you alone with what you have in your hands. So, whose hands are you in?"
Pg. 157 - The Honor Key - Russel Evans.

There are many materials out there on what it is like to be married.
Of course, no other account is better for a local and a friend to share with you what it is like to be married.
Here are some things I learned about marriage.

1) It is about 'Us'
This is definitely fundamental to all relationships and should not be a principle for marriage. It is one of the most important foundation nonetheless to remember that being married, the 'I's and the 'Me's has to be secondary even though they are considerations and has to be communicated to one another.

The videographer at my wedding captured the crux of our Pastor's message for us:
"At the heart of Love is the reality of Sacrifice,
Love doesn't come cheap,
it is costly, if you love each other over time, you will make sacrifices for each other.

2) It requires Effort
One of my biggest concern before marrying is the uncertainty of my personal freedom. My personal freedom to spend time the way I like without much consideration:
To watch movie/shows in my evenings whenever I feel like it
To read books whenever I feel like it
To bathe whenever I feel like it
To eat whenever I feel like it.
To watch TV whenever I feel like it
etc. etc.

No doubt there are external forces that dictates additional commitments that you may not be that appreciative about in terms of
a) Enjoyment
b) Development

So far, I will have to say that my fear was quite unfounded and the additional commitments have been quite worthwhile for the time being because of the happiness that is uniquely reserved for married couples(at least for use) in seeing my spouse going through it together, happy and at ease and doing her part to make things better for me either.

A confession to make was that I was an extremely pessimistic and would have thought that the arrangement would make me a bitter old man. However, I am extremely happy to stand corrected to how I am feeling right now because living with my spouse has made me happier, secured and wholesome person of which I understand now that time/activities spent with her no matter the commitments are happy time not because of what we are doing but because she is with me and I am with her .

3) Snoring is a bigger challenge than I thought
Ironically the biggest challenge that we are encountering so far was one that I never thought that I needed to prepare for and one that I never expected to be a challenge prior to marriage.
I am used to sleeping in the same room with a guy(I shared a room with my brother till my late 20s) and of course we don't have such issues but now.
I know my spouse would probably get used to it and get naturalized to the sound however I am still looking for a way to make it easier or be less.. noisy in bed.

Top 3 reflections after 2 weeks of wedding!

In this time and age, purity is quite a forgotten virtue. Purity especially is hard to come by and definitely hard to sustain.

All it take is a moment of folly to fall into a never-ending sin spiral.
All it takes is a taste of the forbidden fruit to gain an insatiable appetite.
And to make matter worse, this spreads.

It is no easy task to maintain and sustain purity however, that is exactly what we are called to.
Remember, we are temples of a Holy God and God in his grace and mercy has poured out his blood to make as 'pure' in his sight again.

Should we insult such sacrifice and grace to make things difficult for God? No.
We are saved and are always forgiven if we repent from our sins, but don't you think that just becomes insulting and boring to go through the whole cycle again and again? (albeit contradiction to the word 'repent' isn't it?)

I remembered someone once mentioned, the secret to stay pure is to Love God more than anything. So be sure that you Love God enough.

Don't just live a good life.
Love God enough and live a great life.

"Adam needed a helper. God fashioned one to the specification of his needs and brought her to him. It was Adam's job to husband her, that is, he was responsible- to care for, protect, provide for, and cherish her. Males, as the physical design alone would show, we are made to be initiators. Females are made to be receptors, responders. It was not arbitrarily that God called Himself Israel's Bridegroom and Israel His Bride, nor Christ the Head ad the Church the Body and the Bride. He woos us, calls us, wins us, gives us His name, share with us His destiny, take responsibility for us, loves us with a love stronger than death."
"Something else makes them feel in their bones that women are out of place when they become initiators in so fragile and subtle a matter as courtship."
Chapter 23 - The Mess We've Made

"Through the affairs of the heart God uncovers our true intention "... whether or not it was in your heart to keep his commandments. He humbled you and made you hungry; then he fed you on manna... ""
"It is natural indeed(that men and women hunger for each other. However it's not the only thing God has in mind for us. We are not meant to live merely by what is natural. We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts. Bread will not suffice. We need extraordinary fare. We need manna."
"Jesus was saying to me what He said to his disciples: "There is still much i could say to you, but the burden would be too great for you now."
Chapter 24 - Hot Sweats and Wet Feet

"We are to bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill Christ's law. He bore all our griefs, infirmities, and sorrows. But we are told also to bear our own burdens. This must mean to shoulder them bravely, to think twice before laying them onto the shoulders of others who may be more heavily laden than we are. It means what the Tamil proverb means('What his own soul has felt as bitter pain from making others feel should man abstain'). Above all, it means learning Calvary love - forgetfulness of self in order to be strong to serve."
"There was nothing i was experiencing that He had not been through in some form. The love that is everlasting had entered this world, my world, my very heart, known its struggles, shared its weakness and perplexity. None of those things, then, would separate me from His love. They would in fact. give me the opportunity to experience it, to learn to cry, "Abba, Father!"."
Chapter 25 - Nobody Knows the Trouble

"The things about gifts is that they are not asked for, but given, freely and out of love. It seemed too good a thing to hope for, but we hoped."
Chapter 26 - A letter at last

"A question of chastity. An outmoded word, the world says, but the truth is it's a Christian obligation. It means abstention from sexual activity. For the Christian there is one rule and one rule only: total abstention from sexual activity outside of marriage and total faithfulness inside marriage. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts."
"Chaste means 'not indulging in unlawful sexual activity.'"
"Honesty required us to admit that we could not be sure precisely where the "line" should be drawn, and it was a potentially unmanageable force we were dealing with. Chastity meant for us not taking lightly any least act or thought that was not appropriate to the kind of commitment we had to God."
Chapter 27 - Whetted Appetites

""How in the world can you tell if you want to marry somebody if you've never kissed them?" I've heard students say... "But how in the world can you tell you want to marry somebody just because you've kissed them?""
"It is a powerful lie that, because sexual desire is natural, healthy, and God give, anything I do because of that desire is natural, healthy, and God given.
'How can anything that feels so good be so bad?'
'Intimacy is an act of worship.'
'Denying yourself the expression of that desire is dangerous- it's repression, it'll lead to perversion and so on.'
'Nobody can control all that fire when he's young.'
Lies, all of them.
Christians who are buying such rubbish today are without honor. They ahve lost the notions of fidelity, renunciation, and sacrifice, because nothing seems worth all that. There is nothing for which they will pay the price of actual, conscious, painful, down-to-earth self-denial-except(and I am convinced this is a significant exception) visible gains like money and sports."
"If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd."
Chapter 28 - How much can a kiss tell you?

"Purity, I fear, has gotten mixed up in people's minds with the caricature of Puritanism, which, in the popular imagination, is a dour, brittle revolt against all the pleasures of the flesh."
"Purity means freedom from contamination, from anything that would spoil the taste or the pleasure, reduce the power, or in any way adulterate what the thing was meant to be. It means cleanness, clearness- no additives, nothing artificial- in other words, "all natural," in the sense i which the Original Designer designed it to be."
"It is the heart's direction that is always the central issue. God knows what the heart is set on. We can deceive others. We can easily deceive ourselves. The humble and honest heart will always be shown the truth."
"A man's love for a woman ought to hold her to the highest. Her love for him ought to do the same. I did not want to turn Jim aside from the call of God, to distract his energies, or in any way to stand between him and a thoroughgoing surrender. This was what i understood real love to mean. "An love means following the commands of God. This is the command which was given you from the beginning, to be your rule of life.""
"God leads His dear children along different pathways. But he asks the same brand of commitment of all of them.(Give up self, take up the cross, follow.)"
Chapter 29 - They abstain from nothing

"The notion was not a new one - that the relationship that means most in a man's life is governed by far stricter principles than the casual ones."
Chapter 30 - A 'Small' Sin

"It is not a good idea to go into caves or to sit by driftwood fires in lonely places if you are not yet sure of your God. Paul advised the young Timothy to "turn from the wayward impulses of youth..." Don't walk straight into them and then blame God if the temptation is too great for you."
Chapter 31 - A Cave and a Driftwood Fire

""How do you tell a guy/gal no? How do you keep a safe distance?"
I smiled inside, thinking of how simple the answer is. You can do it in two ways: The English language and body language. You say no, and you move away....
... it's simple. But doing it is just plain hard... You have to ask for help. Help will most certainly be given."
"It is the yielding, not the temptation itself, that is sin. We have o keep asking the Savior to help us, comfort, strengthen, and keep us. He is not reluctant. He is willing. He will carry you through, if you want to be carried through. You must want to."
Chapter 32 - How do you say No?

"Recognize that fundamental anomaly of human nature, that we prize what we cannot easily get. We take for granted, we even come to despise, that which costs us no effort."
"There is pleasure in doing things in the proper order.
Certain things properly belong to intimate love which do not properly belong t friendship's love. Certain things belong to marriage that do not belong to courtship."
"If virginity is to be preserved, lines must be drawn. Why put yourself in any situation where the lines become smudged and obscure? Why take the risks? Why accept the pressure of tremendous temptations when you can easily avoid it by refusing to be anywhere where a compromise is possible?"
"Psychologist Henry Brant tells of his son's anger retort when his father forbade him to go out alone in a car with a girl.
'What's wrong, Dad? Don't you trust me?'
'In a car- alone a night with a girl? I wouldn't trust me. Why should i trust you?"
Chapter 33 - Four bare legs

"quotes from T.C. Upham's Inward Divine Guidance:"The disposition.. to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self."
Chapter 34- His sublime keeping.

"Unless a man is prepared o ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him."
Chapter 35 - Impatience

"The growth of all living green things wonderfully represents the process of receiving and relinquishing, gaining and losing, living and dying...
There is no ongoing spiritual life without the process of letting go. At ht precise point where we refuse, growth stops. If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used, we stunt the growth of the soul.
It is easy to make a mistake here. 'If God gave it to me,' we say, 'it's mine. i can do what i want with it.' No. The truth is that it is ours to thank Him for and ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of- if we want to find our true selves, if we want real Life, if our hearts are set on glory."
"The more you perceive God's purpose in your life, the less terrible will the losses seem."
"Lilias trotter.. wrote those profound words quoted earlier:'The first step into the realm of giving is ... not manward but Godward: an utter yielding of our best. So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for 'no polluted thing' can be offered."
"We are given the chance to trust Him when He says to us, '... If any man will let himself be lost for my sake, he will find his true self.'
When will we find it? we ask. The answer is, Trust Me.
How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust Me.
Why must I let myself be lost? we persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me."
Chapter 38 - God granted and God dented.

"We are always held in the love of God. We are never wholly at the mercy of other people- they are only'second causes,' and no matter how many second or third or fiftieth causes seem to be in controlf of what happens to us, it is God who is in charge, He who holds the keys, He who casts the lot finally into the lap. Trusting Him, then, requires that I leave some things to be decided by others. I must learn to relinquish the control I might wield over somebody else if the decision properly belongs to him. I must resit my urge to manipulate him, needle and prod and pester until he capitulates. I must trust God in him, trust God to do for both of us better than i know."
Chapter 39 - Confused Rollings and Wheels

"While purity before marriage, as Jim and I learned, consist in holding ourselves from one another in obedience to God, purity after marriage consists in giving ourselves to and for each other in obedience to God. Passion, whether that of one who, by God's gift, shares the bed of another, must be held in principle. The principle is love-not erotic or sentimental or sexual feeling, but love. It is the way of charity."
"'Being in love,' wrote C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity, "is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it still a feeling. Now no feelings can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all.... In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last.... But of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love... is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God... They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."
"The kind of love that sustains a marriage is God given, but it is also a daily choice. For the rest of your life. Never for get that."
"It('quieter love') contains and restrains passion. When an unmarried man feels passionate, his love for God (and for the object of his passion) restrains him. When a married man feels passionate and finds that his wife does not, his quieter love restrains that passion for her sake- and for God's. It is just as likely that a woman's passions may be aroused when her husband's are not. She waits then, with quiet love. The question of conjugal rights for the Christians always refers to the rights of the other, never of the self."
"which(spirit of charity) is always self-giving. Charity says "I grant you your rights. I do not insist on mine. I give myself to you; I do not insist that you give yourself to me.
This selflessness is essential if husbands and wives are to fulfill the commands to love and to submit"
"A quieter love, but a long-lasting one, indeed, an eternal one. It means kindness and respect. Old fashioned "Milk of human kindness," and simple, courteous, humble respect for the other person, who is made in the image of God."
"Charity is the love of God. There is no other way to control passion. There is no other route to purity. There is no other route, finally, to joy."
Chapter 42 - Out of Love and Into Charity

"Do our transgressions disqualify us for the Christians life? Quite the contrary. Jesus came into the world specifically for us who blew it, not for those who 'need no repentance.' '...He was wounded for our transgression...'
....
This teaches us that there is a point of departure. What we were, and what we are in Christ are sharply distinct. Stop living for yourself, start living for Christ. Now.

'With us therefore worldly standards have ceased to count in our estimate of an man; even if once they counted in our understanding of Christ, they do so now no longer. When anyone is united to Christ, there is a new act of creation; the old order has gone, and a new order has already began.'"
Chapter 43 - A New Act of Creation

I am reading this book titled Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot of whom is the wife of this extraordinary missionary, Jim Elliot.

Some quotes that were especially enlightening to me:

"There is dullness, monotony, sheer boredom in all of life when virginity and purity are no longer protected and prized. By trying to grab fulfillment everywhere, we find it nowhere."

"There is a big however. It is this: We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live.
A seed falls into the dark earth and dies. Out of its death comes multiplied life. As Saint Francis prayed, "It is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."
It takes faith to believe this, as it takes faith for a farmer to plant a seed. It takes faith to live by it, faith to act on it, faith to keep looking at the joyful end of it all. A failure of faith here leads certainly to resentment and then to depression. The destruction will go on and on."
Chapter 15 - Little Deaths

"
Leaflet : Loneliness

Be still and know that He is God.
When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him (Rachel’s addition: just like you put in so much effort to get to know the man you love or date). If He is God, He is still in charge.

Remember that you are not alone.
“The Lord, He it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage.” (Deut. 31:8) Jesus promised His disciples, “Lo, I am with you always.” (Matt. 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. He is there, never for one moment forgetting you.

Give thanks.
In times of my greatest loneliness I have been lifted up by the promise of 2 Corinthians 4:17, 18, “For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, because we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.” This is something to thank God for. This loneliness itself, which seems a weight, will be far outweighed by glory.

Refuse self-pity.
Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you. Turn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows.

Accept your loneliness.
It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last.

Offer up your loneliness to God,
as the little boy offered to Jesus his five loaves and two fishes. God can transform it for the good of others…(Rachel’s addition:….and His glory).

Do something for somebody else.
No matter who or where you are, there is something you can do, somebody who needs you. Pray that you may be an instrument of God’s peace, that where there is loneliness you may bring joy.
"

"The important thing is to receive this moment's experience with both hands. Don't waste it. "Wherever you are, be all there," Jim once wrote. "Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.""

"The words "full of joy here and now" depends on the words "taken in the right spirit." You can't have one without the other. Taken in a spirit of trust, even loneliness contributes to the maturing of character, even the endurance of separation and silence and the hardest thing of all, uncertainty, can build in us a steady hope."
Chapter 17 - What to do with Loneliness

"The point is that we have to learn to trust in little things even in what may seem like silly things, if we are ever going to be privileged to suffer in the big things. "The man who can be trusted in little things can e trusted also in great; and the man who is dishonest in little things is dishonest also in great things. If, then, you have not proved trustworthy with the wealth of this world, who will trust you with the wealth that is real?"
Years after the end of the Jim Elliot story(he was killed by the people whom he tried to reach out to), my mother said something to me about my "suffering" during those waiting years. It came as a surprise to me, for though I would never have denied the trail was a bit rugged, I had not thought of it as suffering. Shipwrecks, floggings, physical pain, yes, those i would call suffering, but not my aching heart. However, it's no use trying to measure suffering. What matters is making the right use of it, taking advantage of the sense of helplessness it brings to turn one's thoughts to God. Trust is the lesson. Jesus loves me, this I know- not because He does just what I'd like, but because the Bible tells me so. Calvary proves it. He loved me and gave Himself for me.
Chapter 18 - What Providence Has Gone and Done

"I found in my Greek New Testament that 1 Peter 5:10 could be translated," After you have suffered a while, he himself will mend that which was broken." If all struggles and suffering were eliminated,the spirit will no more reach maturity than would a child. The Heavenly Father wants to see us grow up."
Chapter 19 -The Rebel Sigh

"My Father counseled his four sons never to say "I love you" to a woman until they were ready to follow immediately with "Will you marry me?" Nor should they think of saying "Will you marry me?" Unless they had first said "I love you." How much pain and confusion would be averted if men followed that rule."
"If your passions are aroused, say so- to yourself and to God, not to the object of your passion. Then turn the reins over to God. Bring your will to Him. Will to obey him, ask for his help. He will not do the obeying for you, but He will help you. Don't ask me how. He knows how. You'll see.
Chapter 20 -Self-Deception

"Women are always tempted to be initiators"
"I can hear the howls of protest from the women. "Men want to play around. Men want to play around. They lead us on, try to get what they can out of us,deceive us," and so on. True enough. Which is exactly why I beg women to wait. Wait on God. Keep your mouth shut. Don't expect anything until the declaration is clear and forthright.
And to the men I say be careful with us, please. Be circumspect."
"A woman ought to be as honest with a man who shows an interest in her."
"A good-looking nephew of mine is often asked out by women. "Sorry," he tells them, "That isn't the way i do it. When i go out with a lady, i like to do the asking. But thanks anyway.
Resist the temptation to trifle with other people's feelings. It may be fun to "Play the fish," like a trout on a fly line, but it is cruel, it is dishonest, and it is dangerous."
Chapter 21 - What do Women Look for?

"There was one thing we did not talk about, so far as i recall. It is mystery. A man likes to think there is more in a woman than he can fathom..... The message we were receiving as the seminary men talk around our fireplace was that they did not want to be told everything the women were thinking. They wanted to be left to wonder about it and to find out for themselves."
"A woman's beauty should reside, according to the Apostle Peter, in the inmost center of her being, an"... imperishable ornament, a gentle, quiet spirit, which is of high value in the sight of God."
Chapter 22 - What do men look for?

2013 has passed and it is the beginning of 2014.

2013 has been challenging and definitely not one of my favourite years.
The passing of Ah-ma(grandma). The challenges at work. The preparation for the wedding. The challenges with juggling with BB. Determining a calling. etc etc.
I am not sure what to call and make of 2013.
The closest I can get I guess is 'The transition to being an Adult pt 2' where we do face the reality of Death/Difficulties/Debts/Decision.

There is an uncertainty in 2014 that creates a bit of unease in my soul.
Yet there are exciting things ahead that stirs me up in anticipation!
A new chapter. A new opportunity. A new chance of obedience to the King.

this has been in my head during the tail end of 2013:
我并不想成为一个好人
我想成为一个虔诚的人

I don't want to be a Good person.
I want to be a Godly person.

Here is a video that I found really meaningful:

Recently, my colleagues and I engaged in an interesting lunch conversation whereby we talked on this topic of Pascal's Wager.

Pascal's wager could be summarized by the following:

In Pascal’s Wager the odds of states (I) and (II) are assumed to be even (the evidence for and against God’s existence is of exactly the same weight). So the decision to believe or not to believe has to be made pragmatically. Pascal reasons that if I believe that God exists and it turns out that He does, then I have gained heaven at the small sacrifice of foregoing the pleasures of sin for a season. If I believe and it turns out that God does not exist, then I gain nothing and have suffered the finite loss of the pleasures of sin I have foregone. On the other hand, if I do not believe and it turns out that God does, in fact, exist, then I have gained the pleasures of sin for a season at the expense of losing eternal life. If I do not believe and it turns out that there is no God, then I have the finite gain of the pleasures afforded by my libertine lifestyle. So belief in God is pragmatically the preferred choice.
(The above matrix and summary is taken from http://www.reasonablefaith.org/pascals-wager)

In the end, it really depends on what is the premise of your wager. You can swap the above 'God' with any God you have and come to a different conclusion(please note that the game theory was formulated in the context of the Christian God though).

I found it was rather interesting hearing what colleagues have to mention regarding their belief in view of Pascal's wager since this wager will definitely put you in an uncomfortable position if you have not put your 'money' on which 'bet' you would want to take.
On top of that, I realized it does give some reflection on a person's position on what 'infinite gain' and 'God' is, especially when the person tries to shift the wager and premise around to suit the person's interest.

While looking into explaining Pascal's Wager on the internet, it was obvious to see that there are many people who critique and disapprove this wager. If you do a quick analysis to the comments and critique of Pascal's Wager, you will come to a conclusion that it is typically based on the Christian assumptions that was made by Pascal when he came up with this game theory.
Who would believe in your game theory/notions if there is no agreement with the basis and the assumptions one made?
However, if you take the context of where Pascal got this theory from(A Christian context), this is a summary game theory that is definitely applicable.

To believe or not to believe? It is definitely up to you.
This, in the end, is what faith in all about:
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see"
Hence, remember to put your faith in something worth putting faith in. If you think that it is not worth putting your faith in Christ, then you shouldn't. Put your faith in something that you will not regret for life(or for eternity if you believe in what the Bible speaks of).

Recently, there were some hints about full time ministry.
I am not sure what God is up and the word 'Coincidence' looks like weak word to describe all this occurrences already.

The quote of the month is the following sentence that Yi Ying mentioned to silence and humble me during one of our cell session when i was trying to rationalize that if
breaking the commandment and breaking the law is the same
it does not necessarily bring my closer to knowing the law maker
sometimes, it encourages me to think of ways on bending the law instead for my self interest

Yi Ying : "It's not so much the same as breaking the law than breaking someone's heart"

There is definitely a tendency of making God a 'thing' that does not have feelings sometimes.

There are many things that we have taken for granted.When i start counting my blessings, i feel that i really ought to be amaze by how i am so wonderfully blessed. Yet, again and again I feel as though that I've failed to give thanks and show genuine gratitude to God. I realize that i find difficulty in accepting gifts, grace or praises. I would typically try to make it as a transaction whereby i try to return the favor and deep inside, sometimes i feel very lost in how to react to grace/blessings.

Should i reject the blessings?
Should i show it off to people?
Should i give more money in my weekly offerings to him?
Should i try to live a more upright life?
Should i boast of my Lord to people of how he blessed me?

Or..

Should i just smile, enjoy the blessing and sit at his feet in amazement on how wonderful and personal my Lord is?

Thank you to the one that places the stars so beautifully in the night sky.
Thank you to the one that makes the sun shine so that world's beauty glows in everyone's eyes.
Thank you to the one that gave us senses to enjoy his creation.
Thank you to the one that teaches so patiently.
Thank you to the one that does not leave us lonely in this world.
Thank you to the one that loves us so generously.
Thank you.

You made it so that i will never be able to repay you. And starting to think i am able to fully repay you would be seen as folly.

All i can say is, thank you.

I have set the LORD before me continuously; because he stands at my right hand, I will stand firm.

The past 6 months has been challenging and rather confusing. I am unable to understand how i got into such a situation. It sure is very disruptive to my development.

There were some lessons that i have learned within this challenging period:

1.) Your identity is always in Christ.
Your significance is not based on what other people think of you. Your significance must be based on what God thinks of you.
Remember, each of us are treasured to the extend that God sacrificed his life for us to give us hope. A hope to live in fellowship with him, eternally.
So how significant are you? 

2.) Christ always have your back.
If Christ has already sacrificed himself for you, wouldn't he continue to take care of you?
God has his unique way to make a tragic situations beautiful. Like how he could use a death of a loved one to bring salvation to a family.

3.) Prosperity may not be how much money you have or how big your paycheck is.
We may wish to consider prosperity as the ability to live an honest life with people whom you love and who loves you.
What is the use of gaining the whole world when there is no genuine love?

4.) The world is imperfect.
As long as there is sin in this world, life is imperfect. There are bound to be misunderstanding, hatred, jealousy, backstabbing, gossiping, politics, power struggle, betrayal, lust, covetousness, etc etc. It is ugly, really ugly. It is crazy, really crazy. I could not have expected or comprehend how crazy and ugly it could have been. It is disgusting.